burned out...on religion.

Are you tired? Worn out? Burned out on religion?

Come to me. Get away with me and you will recover your life.

I'll show you how to take a real rest.

Walk with me and work with me- watch how I do it.

Learn the unforced rhythms of grace.

I won't lay anything ill-fitting on you.

Keep company with me and you'll learn to live freely and lightly.
Matthew 11:28-30 (The Message)

i am about to get pretty vulnerable here, but this verse is how i have been feeling a lot lately. i am just so burned out. jesus isn't that exciting to me right now and it has nothing to do with jesus and everything to do with me. one of my bosses this summer, brooke, used this verse when we would do holy yoga and it would always resonate with me. i think it is because i often feel burned out and tired. it may be because as much as i am an introvert, i am also an adrenaline junky, never wanting to stop moving around and getting involved in "stuff," because when i do i realize i am just really really lonely and really really longing for companionship. and as much as i know i am supposed to "go to God" and be found in him, i really really don't want to right now. i know all of the right things to say and do, but i know other people feel this way and never feel like they can tell someone for fear of being looked down on for being a "bad christian." all i know is even in my weakness, God is strong. I know my God is a God of peace and rest.

i am moody. oswald chambers always challenges me in my moods.

"there are certain things we must not pray about- moods for instance. moods never go by praying, moods go by kicking. a mood nearly always has its seat in the physical condition, not in the moral. it is a continual effort not to listen to the moods which arise from a physical condition, never submit to them for a second. we have to take ourselves by the scruff of the neck and shake ourselves, and we will find that we can do what we said we could not. the curse with most of us is that we won't. the christian life is one of incarnate spiritual pluck."

so here is to kicking my mood in the butt. let me know how your butt kicking goes

(if you need it)

til next time,

gambetron

im old enough to know that time doesn't move slow enough...young enough to know that i can't ever be old enough to trust you -rocket summer

my friend emily bruce... you know, the "other one" who writes this blog? well if you didn't know, she has a pretty sick taste in music. she sent me some mixed cds and i literally cannot stop listening to the tracks.

there is something that moves me within music...i have literally sat on my bed all day today listening to music, buying music, wishing i had talent to create music... just because it gets me thinking about all sorts of things. i love the abstract, i love to think, i love to listen to the blend of harmonies and meanings and have it explode in my ears. there is just something about it. i love not exactly knowing what the author meant, but finding meaning in it for me. for some reason, i have been in an upbeat, dance, pop phase of my music life right now. there is just something about dancing and letting things go (emily can also attest to her dancing skills.. mad props girl.)anyway, on my breaks of, in all honesty, really bad pop music (im sorry, it really is, and im not so sure why i am so into it right now...) i keep listening to good music, and this song that, may i add, actually has meaning, is by the rocket summer.

i have been doing lots of reflecting this summer...and by a lot... i mean a lot. i had this huge plan for my life and it was laid out all nicely. go to college, meet a handsome man that just so happened to be a youth pastor, fall in love, get married, and then live the rest of my life tending to the spiritual lives of young women everywhere.... and as i interned this summer, i ran into people. specifically 3 people. they were my fellow interns that were struggling right there along with me, trying to figure out what to do with their lives and how to follow God with all of their passion. i remember one conversation with chris. we were outside on a warm night in utah and got to talking and i remember voicing my fears about graduate school and how i felt like i couldn't do it...and i remember him saying, "katie, you can go anywhere (to any university) you want if you just put in effort and work really hard."

now to some of you it may seem foolish that this one sentence would hit me as something magnificent and life-altering. but it was....

i am tired of taking the easy path in life. and as i saw chris this summer and his quiet confidence, i realized how much i can do, but don't. every time i do something difficult and challenging its the best feeling in the world for me and yet i continually try to find the easiest path... i have finally declared to myself and now to the world (or the few who read this blog).. that i will not take the easy road this time. this time graduate school looks like wheaton. one of the most rigorous christian schools in the U.S. this time i will be a TA for one of my favorite profs for his statistics class...not because i get money, but because its a challenge. this time i will find ways to go above and beyond and research human trafficking... finding more information on things that really interest me. this time i am not taking the easy way out. we have one life to live. i want to be a therapist...so i am going to plan on being the best therapist i can be...until i die or am directed otherwise.

for so long i thought it was bad to have a plan...the question would always come up, "what if i am not following God's will?" i think we are too busy asking that question instead of asking, "how can i best follow God's will where i am right now?"
and when it comes down to it, if or when i am not following God's will...i think he will let me know.

"save me, cause i need it, and i can't help but feel desperate, my desires they seem to be coming to their endings, but i will trust its not the end, but a great beginning."

could rocket summer put it any better?

nope. i don't think so.


(check out the song from youtube) http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BFdbqGQkt1Q