Seashells

So I am going to be pretty vulnerable for a second. I had a bad week...this is not me begging for pity...this is me telling you how faithful my God is.

I came back from Africa with this unspeakable joy. But slowly, thoughts of worthlessness and self-loathing began to plague my mind. My thoughts got pretty poisoned and I finally admitted defeat and begged God to remove these feelings from me and remind me of my worth.

From the moment I prayed that prayer on, God showed up. I cannot name a day last week that God did not manifest himself in a person to build me up or whisper to me that He loves me.

So here's tonight's scenario: I am working the desk - subbing. My friend Alyssa is sitting with me and we're working on homework between "chatter-box moments".

It's 11:30 and I see a girl sitting across the lobby. She lingers a bit and then comes up to the desk. Thinking she probably wants a Snickers or a Mountain Dew, I ask her what I can do for her...who knew that she actually was here to do something for me.

She asks me my name. Fancy that, she's an Emily too. And she happens to live in the same apartment as me in the opposite lodge. We make chit chat and soon it's clear that she's not here for late night junk food.


God put me on Emily's heart so she came to the desk to offer me encouragement and prayer. She saw a vision of me walking down a beach picking up shells. (For anyone that knows me at all, you know that the beach is my happy place) The shells signified things important to me...and when I had picked up all of the shells, I felt peace.

The whole time I'm sitting here dumbfounded and I steadily turn into a blubbering puddle. I am still without words...I saw my Jesus unbelievably clear tonight. This girl that I'm not even sure I've seen before felt led to come pray for me and encourage me...She felt led and she followed...and little did she know how valuable her words and prayer would be to me.

Her words and action increased my faith tonight. I feel unbelievably full of joy and peace. I burst into laughter thinking about everything that happened because it is so clearly Jesus. Wow.

Brucie

hope for the hopeless

yesterday i had been in the house all day and i was itching to do something, to get out, to be free. and lets just say these "free" moments rarely come anymore. i often feel trapped, isolated, and alone and this is no fault but my own. i have come to find that "transition" periods in my life are NEVER fun...but as i was convicted by a sermon last night, those waiting periods, those awful, sucky, "i don't understand you at all GOD" moments, months, seasons, make the period after waiting so much more beautiful than i could ever imagine.

so i bundled up in many layers, took my ipod and began to walk around my neighborhood. it was sunny (ohio? really?) and i was enjoying being alone with God's creation. For some reason, I was in A Fine Frenzy mood and therefore I put her music on and just let my mind wander.

i wondered what my friends were doing, if i was ever going to find a job, if i was going to go crazy if i didn't find friends soon, you know, the normal stuff that goes through someone's head when their world has been turned upside down.

then i heard the song, "hope for the hopeless"

the first few lyrics really hit me for the first time:

stitch in your knitted brow

and you don't know how

you're gunna get it out

crushed under a heavy chest

trying to catch your breath

but it always beats you by a step

all right now

making the best of it

playing the hand you get

well you're not alone in this

there's hope for the hopeless

it amazes me how easily she could sing about hope for all those who felt so hopeless, including myself. i wondered where she received the credentials to give others hope. she didn't explain where the hope came from, how one could receive this "hope," but just sang "there is hope!"

what. an. empty. claim.

i understand that she was trying to give the hopeless hope that there were others going through bad situations too, to give them comfort that they were not alone in their hopelessness, but i don't really want to be around a lot of other hopeless people, i don't feel like that would make me feel hopeful, but would probably make me feel even MORE hopeless.

but here is where i am reminded why i have hope. i have hope because i have a God who is bigger than this world, who has and will continue to be with me in times of aloneness, confusion, frustration, anger, and sadness. i have hope because HE HAS OVERCOME THE WORLD.

Hebrews 1:10-12

"In the beginning, O Lord, you laid the foundations of the earth and the heavens are the work of your hands. They will perish, but you remain; they will all wear out like a garment. You will roll them up like a robe; like a garment they will be changed. But you remain the same, and your years will never end."

i have real, true, hope. one that has been tested by fire and will continue to last through eternity.

Include God in Every Moment...Therein lies Happiness

This is happiness...This is joy.









When words fall short....

Pure Joy

I recently got back from a medical missions trip to Sierra Leone, West Africa. When people ask me how my trip was, I have gone from saying "amazing" or "fantastic" to "if you have the next 3 hours free, I'll tell you".

God taught me some tough but important lessons. Like how Jesus shouldn't fit into one compartment in my life - he should saturate every area. Or how I need to be a lot more joyful and thankful for what God has blessed me with. Or how my competency comes only from my Father and not from my own abilities. God is so good and as much as this trip was really tough, I left part of my heart in Sierra Leone.